Any moment now the lights would go down for the last time. Standing at the front of the stage, Jeff could see the audience; from the banners in the front row up to the glitter of mobile phones and glow sticks right at the very back of the top tier. He could see the security staff getting into position on the stairways, and one or two people following them up to get a head start in the rush to the tube. There were a few children and their mothers standing by the barriers at the front next to the speaker banks. Behind them, a group of girls in pink glitter T shirts had been singing and dancing along from the beginning, helped along by alcopops and little airline-type bottles of wine. It was hard to tell how much nostalgia there was in the mix. The most brilliant, wonderful, incredible thing was that it just didn’t really matter any more.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see the other guys across the stage. They all had their arms outstretched now, slowly letting their heads fall onto their chests. There were two more chords to go, then a drum roll, and that was it. He could feel himself beginning to well up. Blub up, Jackie always said. Blubbing up now was fine: even if his tears ended up in the papers it would be fine. He wanted to thank ever person in the arena. Every person who had been in any of the arenas. Every person who had ever said or done anything to help. Even his school science teacher, who had heard him playing the piano one day when he should have been out on a rugby pitch, and told him to keep playing. Thank you to all of you. Without you, we wouldn’t be here.
Then darkness, and the quick scramble down through the trap door.
*
Duncan’s thoughts were already racing ahead. Once they got through the last costume change and got Mouse down from the top of the piano in one piece, it was as if he was on autopilot for landing. He knew that he looked a bit of a tit in the last dance routine, but that was what happened when you tried doing something that had been choreographed for twenty year olds when you were pushing forty. It was all just a bit of fun, even if it was bloody knackering these days. Despite himself, he caught sight of Nicola in the crowd, head and shoulders above everyone else. Jesus wept, she must be pushing 6”4’ in her heels. He pushed the thought away, quickly, in danger of ending up off-beat and having the piss taken out of him when they all got backstage.
The kids weren’t going to be around this weekend. Neither was Ella. He’d lost track of why, or whether it was meant to be some form of punishment. Everything had got a bit hectic. But she had kept on telling him that she wasn’t going to be there, so he could do exactly as he bloody well liked. A few bevvies or ten tonight, and then maybe a club tomorrow if he could persuade some of the crew to go with him. Although he would have to wear a bloody hat to keep the paps off his back. The paps and the morons with the mobile phones. He wanted to be out there dancing in the crowd, forgetting everything except the beat and the bodies closest to his. Wherever he looked, Nicola somehow seemed to be standing under a spotlight, which was a fucking nightmare. Literally.
As they turned in the darkness, he could see that Jeff had tears streaming down his face again. Daft prick.
**
Mouse couldn’t imagine feeling happier. He could feel the reluctance of the crowd to let them go, and the warmth of the memories that they would all take with them, and just couldn’t imagine a better, happier place to be. He loved the fact that they could still do this and that people still loved them for it. Those chords had been with him for more than half his life, and they made him feel warm. Happy. Safe, even. At moments like this even the stage lights could feel like sunlight on his face.
He looked around to hold the moment more clearly, drinking it all in. That they were actually out there doing it all over again, and doing it well. Jake seemed to have his eyes shut, almost in an act of worship. Just letting the crowd worship right back. A man who had tried so hard to disappear that he had spent years travelling under a succession of assumed names, basking in the glory of 20,000 screaming fans. He was doing a damned good job. At the other end of the stage, Jeff was crying again. Mouse could feel it even before he could see it, and could feel they were good tears. They were back where they had always belonged, up in front of a crowd, and it was as if the bad times had never happened.
Mouse thought for the moment of the next few days. Of time to see Catie and Pete, who was just beginning to toddle around, and who made him grin every time he thought of him. And then even bigger stages, and even bigger crowds, as they moved on to the stadiums, and the grin just got bigger.
When the lights went down he stayed still for a moment or two more than he needed to, head bowed in front of the mic stand, drinking in the applause. Nobody complained any more that he was always two steps behind.
***
And Jake thought nothing. He saw lights and shapes and colours, but as the end of the last number approached he chose not to assemble them into an arena full of people. It was a trick which had taken a long time to perfect. Only the cymbal at the end of the drum roll called him back to reality and made sure that he wasn’t still standing there when the house lights came up.
****
